mother's day out

I'm currently sipping (still warm!) coffee at Whole myself... no to-do list...the only sound around is the hum of the espresso machine.  I just dropped off Pier at his first Mother's Day Out class and I honestly don't even know what to do with all this time. Thanks to the thoughtfulness of my husband, every Friday I will now have four uninterrupted hours to myself -- to write, to pray, to read, to do whateva I want!  It's glorious.  I told myself that I will not use this time to do errands, or finish laundry, or catch up with family, or clean the house, but instead, do something for me to help me recharge.  Honestly, I need the chance to catch my breath.  I've learned in my short stint of motherhood that it's easy to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and over-worked as a mother.  

A few weeks ago, I had a hormonal breakdown in front of my husband.  I spilled out everything that I was holding in and simply told him I just can't go on like this.  That may sound a bit dramatic, but my depression came back, I wasn't sleeping due to insomnia (a new-for-me pregnancy symptom) and a long list of pregnancy illness complaints inhibited me from doing anything productive for my family.  Some women rock pregnancy with such grace and strength.  I have accepted that I am not one of those women (at least in the first trimester!)  And with a husband who works long hours, nights, and often full weekends, I hardly got any time away from being "mom".  I could never relax.  When Brad would offer to take Pier for a few hours on his day off, I felt guilty.  I wanted to spend time with him too!  I miss my husband when he's away, and there is nothing that brings me more joy than making memories together as a family. 

So, I realized I needed to find a way to carve out time to do the things that remind me that there is more to me than being Pier's mama and Brad's wife.  Although wife and mother are titles I deeply cherish and hold with sacred reverence, I need to cultivate my other interests so that I can be a more complete wife and mother. I simply was burnt out and didn't feel whole.  Does that make sense?  I'm not sure if I have the talent to articulate this as eloquently as I want to...don't forget I'm currently jazzed up on caffeine and giddiness of having guilt-free time to my self...but I think you can understand a bit. 

After my hormonal breakdown, Brad surprised me by signing up Pier for this program.  I am grateful I have a partner who cares deeply about my whole being -- my faith life, my mental and physical wellness, my hobbies, and so much more.  It's a blessing that I don't take for granted.  It's only been an hour since I dropped Pier off, but I have a feeling this is exactly what I needed.