I've been wanting to write this post for weeks now, but I just never had the time to sit down and reflect on how things have been now that I'm a mama of two. Part of me feels as if she has always been here, but the other part has definitely noticed the massive shift that has happened in our family since her arrival. In short? Being a mother of two is dare I say it....easier. If you remember my reflections on motherhood a year after Pier's birth, you'd know how hard the transition to my new title as "mom" was for me.
Before Pier, I was so used to having things go my way on my time. It was a brutal wake up call whenever I had to put someone else's needs over my own, not just once, but time and time again. With Eulalie I already grew a lot in that area so I didn't struggle *as* much My main struggle now is how do I give enough attention to them both. What do I do when they are both crying? How do I discipline a toddler? Why is my house so loud all the time?!?! What is sleep?! Eulalie's presence has changed things in a remarkable way. Watching her grow (so quickly!) reminds me to slow down and truly be present to the things that matter. She helps me cherish the moments that I would otherwise take for granted.
Pier is the sweetest big brother. He's already a fairly sensitive boy, and I'm noticing it even more so now that there's a newborn around. For example, whenever the baby starts crying, Pier does too. He also comes and finds me wherever I am and screams "YOU-WEE CRYINNNNN" (He calls her you-wee...and yes, it's as adorable as you think it is). Whenever she cries in the car he sings her Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and she calms down. I love seeing him love his little sister -- always pointing out her "tiny hands" "tiny hair" and "tiny toes". He points to her eyes in amazement as he tells me, "look mommy look! you-wee has blue eyes!". WIth his newfound sibilinghood has come lots of moments of jealousy too. He is a toddler, after all, and my days are usually spent trying to calm down those big toddler emotions. We are working on sharing our toys with Eulalie (even though she can't play with them yet) and he's learning that certain things around the house are just for babies (like pacifiers, baby bouncer, boppy pillow, etc.) It's been a transition for him, but I honestly think he's handled all the change really well.
Eulalie fits perfectly in our family. She is such a smiley baby and loves to snuggle. She eats every two hours and loves being worn in my ring sling. I think she's a champ at nighttime sleep, but naps only happen if she's being held or if I wear her. She's worn all day long which is super helpful because I don't know how I would get anything done! Plus, I need two free hands to constantly chase my very active Pier. I am genuinely loving the newborn days...can they just stay this little forever?!
Which brings me to my final point, how am I doing? Honestly, amazing. I can't tell you how much of a gift it is that I'm enjoying these months instead of being in a constant state of overwhelm. I've been vocal about my postpartum depression here and it's no secret that I still struggle.I am still taking my medication and I know that in particular plays a crucial part in how I am handling things right now. (For those concerned, yes it is safe for breastfeeding and yes my doctor is keeping a close eye on me...I knoweveryone has opinions about this, but please understand that it is 100% the best decision for me and my family.) My head and my heart are so at peace this time around. I haven't cried once since having Eulalie. The weight of anxiety and sadness has lifted and I can fully enjoy my children. Is this what it's like to be a normal mom?! I mean yes, there are moments (lots of 'em) where I want to scream and hide and pretend that I'm on an island with a margarita in my hand, but I think that's normal too ;). I just wanted to give you a quick update because so many of you have reached out to me to see how I'm doing. Thank you for investing in me and my family. Your prayers and love has meant so much to me!